why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
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I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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