I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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