Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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