this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
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I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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