I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
