Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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