If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
