Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm passing your future prison.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
