we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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