I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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