just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
