if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
