Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
