i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
