I can text with my tongue
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
