She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize