Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
