did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
