STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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