At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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