I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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