This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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