I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
