Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You need a sexual gate keeper
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
