Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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