i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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