Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
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drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
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He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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