Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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