Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
