Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
