i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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