In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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