I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
