Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
