Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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