Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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