Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
