I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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