lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
