Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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