I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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