Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
