shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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