i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
