btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
