Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
