I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
