I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
