Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
