Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
