bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
