im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
wakey wakey hands off snakey
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
