oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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