What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I did not marry a roomba.
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