I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
