He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
And then he peed in my hair
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