"it" just moved
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
