Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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