guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
