after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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