hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
