3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
