I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i came on her dog
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
