Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
