Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
