He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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