ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
