I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just pee around me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Dear god my vagina.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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