seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
