and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
